With all the noise that surrounds my everyday life, it’s hard to be in the quiet. And, it’s something that is unusual and hard to take in. You know, that deafening sound of silence. At work, I’m always hearing the country music station play songs (some of which I like and others I do not like that much) or I hear the keyboard typing, the phone ringing, or people talking. Even if it seems relatively quite, it’s not. And, at home, there’s always noise. I love it. The sound of home–so cozy and happy and familiar.
Yesterday, I was driving to a babysitting job and there were some pretty dark blue and grey clouds. Scary! I had just been looking at pictures of the tornado in Denver, and there I was, in my little car just driving down the road. I wasn’t listening to music, but it still wasn’t completely quiet since I was driving. When I got the family’s house, however, I turned off my car and was deafened by the sound of utter silence. I wanted so badly to turn on the music or do something so that there would be some noise, but I refrained. I’m trying to break the norms and not always have to be listening to music. It’s hard, though!
Then, this morning, I read Psalm 62:1, “For God alone my soul waits in silence; from Him comes my salvation.” Challenging words. Being the social self that I am, I never want to be alone, yet this is something that is important. If my God and King, Jesus Christ, the omnipotent and perfect Savior of the world needed time alone to pray and meditate on His Father’s Word, how much more time does that mean I need? And yet, how much time do I actually give myself? I don’t even want to know. It’s by far much to less time. Sure, I read my Bible (and other devotional books…when I’m not to tired.) But I do not spend nearly enough time either in the Word and far less time in prayer. I’m commanded to, and told to watch and pray that I “may not enter into temptation. For the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak” (Mark 14:38). Jesus Himself prayed, what makes me think that I do not need to?
My weak flesh. That’s the answer. My spirit wants to, but my flesh does not. “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. I fall asleep instead of spending time with My Father in the Word and prayer. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now I do what I do not want, it is not longer I who do it, but sin that dwells withing me. For I delight in the law of God, in my inner being, I want to read my Bible but I see in my members another law waging war against the law of my mind and making me captive to the law of sin that dwells in my members. I fall asleep. Wretched man that I am! Who will deliver me from this body of death? Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord! So then, I myself serve the law of God with my min, but with my flesh I serve the law of sin. (Romans 15-25).
I want to challenge myself to spend more time in silence. It’s easy for my mind to come up with things to think about..daydreams, things at work, and such. Silence is much harder.
Resting in God’s grace,